Three Hands
by Zphal
Summary: DUM-E is a clumsy, incompetent robot. Or so Tony thinks. Bruce has a different perspective.


"That's perfect, thank you."

Tony had been walking down the hall when he caught the sound of Dr. Banner's voice coming from the kitchen, and he was immediately curious who the man was speaking to. Stark Tower was home to more than one tenant nowadays, but at this hour he didn't know who else would be up, other than the Cap, who was more likely already down in the gym.

To his surprise, it was his robot, DUM-E, that Bruce was talking to. The robotic arm made a happy chirrup, spinning its pinchers around in a full circle before very carefully grabbing the tiny string attached to the teabag steeping in Bruce's teakettle. DUM-E dunked it twice in the hot liquid before removing it, letting it drain just enough so that it wouldn't drip as the unit wheeled its way over to the trash can to dispose of the baggy of spices. Tony blinked incredulously, not believing his eyes. "How the heck did you…?" he spluttered, coming the rest of the way around the corner from where he'd been snooping.

Bruce looked up from the crossword he was doing in the newspaper, regarding him through his spectacles. "Good morning, Mr. Stark."

"Hi, yeah," Tony got formalities out of the way quickly, pulling out a chair to sit down. He hooked his thumb back at DUM-E, still confounded. "Did you make some adjustments to my robot?"

The physicist paused the edge of his teacup at his lips. "No," he said succinctly before taking a careful sip.

"Because it's perfectly alright with me if you did, I don't mind," Tony said, not believing the other scientist for an instant. He had never seen the unit display such dexterity and… competency. There was no way it could perform so well without having undergone modification.

"I didn't do a thing," Bruce said, setting down his tea and returning his attention back to the crossword.

Tony set his jaw with a hum, letting it drop. Dr. Banner filled in a couple of columns before looking back up. "Did you want some tea? It's Jasmine," he offered.

The engineer wrinkled his nose. "No thanks." He rubbed at an eye socket, feeling the late night before. "I'll take some coffee though."

"DUM-E? Would you be so kind?" Bruce asked.

The robot gave a whir, bobbing its hand in confirmation as it rolled over to the cabinet. It opened the door and selected one of the mugs, grasping it carefully by the handle and making its way over. Tony frowned somewhat, waiting for the unit to make some disasterous mistake that would result in several shards of sharp ceramic covering his linoleum floor. And he was barefoot too. This was going to be fantastic.

DUM-E set the mug down in front of him before spinning around to head back to the coffee maker. The mug had been placed upside-down, open end on the table, closed end facing up. Tony made a soft cough in the back of his throat and quickly righted it without saying a word. Bruce observed silently across the table, tapping the tip of his pen to his thick bottom lip several times. Soon DUM-E was returning with the coffee pot, and the robot accidentally bumped into the table's edge, but just barely, only enough to swish the dark liquid in the pot somewhat and disrupt the surface of Bruce's already poured tea.

Uncertainly Tony pushed his mug closer to the robot so it could fill the vessel, leeriness clouding his eyes. DUM-E extended its arm and swiveled its prongs a little jerkily- more the typical 'grace' Tony expected from the unit- a stream of the steaming substance flowing unsteadily into the mug. It didn't spill any however, managing to pour it to the top, but just as DUM-E began to tilt the pot back upright, the robot fumbled it and sent it skittering off the table, hot liquid rapidly spreading out across the table top and overflowing off the edge into Tony's lap. The engineer leapt up with a yowl, fanning frantically at his wet pantlegs as pain seared across the delicate skin.

DUM-E gave an equally loud squeal, backing up on its treads in alarm. Several chirps and beeps followed; it was clear the unit would be apologizing profusely, had it the capability to vocalize.

"Son of a bitch!" Tony yelled, eyes watering from the pain. DUM-E bolted for the paper towels hanging over the sink, no doubt meaning to grab a couple and tear them off at the perforations, but instead the whole thing began unrolling as DUM-E hurried over. "You useless excuse for a piece of workable hardware!" the innovator fumed, "I'm going to dismantle you down into a bike rack!" The robot whined and jittered as it leaned its arm down to start sopping up the spilled beverage from the floor. Unfortunately the paper towels were getting stuck in its treads and it moved back and forth in attempt to dislodge them, only making matters worse for itself as they shredded and tore.

Bruce just seemed to watch the catastrophe unfold with an unending calmness, merely lifting his newspaper up before it could get damp.

"You probably wouldn't even manage to make a good bike rack!" Tony continued to spew obscenities at the unit. "What are you doing in the kitchen anyway? You belong down in the lab! Go on, get!"

DUM-E whimpered, jerking its hand upright suddenly enough to send the whole table flipping over and crashing sideways to the floor. The robot gave one last squeal and fled from the room towards the elevator.

"Goddamn it, what a useless piece of junk," Tony grumbled as he picked up the table to put it back on its four legs. He went over to the sink to grab a dishrag. "I don't know why I even bother to keep him around when all he does is cause me grief." The innovator shook his head and got down on all fours to begin mopping up the spilled liquid. Bruce held out a hand, indicating he'd be willing to take the rag once it was saturated. "Thanks," Tony said, handing it off to him. The physicist wrang it out into the sink and then handed it back so he could get the rest off the floor. "What I don't understand is how he managed to not screw up sooner…" he mused, "I would've expected him to spill hot tea into _your_ lap long before hot coffee in mine."

"You make him nervous," Bruce said matter-of-factly, pulling his seat back up to the table.

Tony cocked an eyebrow at the other scientist. "He's a robot."

"With an AI _you_ gave him."

"What's your point?" the engineer frowned. He threw the rag in the sink and joined his lab partner at the table once more. "Are you trying to tell me he's clumsy _because_ I'm around?"

Bruce nodded without looking up, penciling in another row in his crossword and x'ing out the corresponding number. "That's exactly my point, actually."

Tony shook his head and crossed his arms. "That doesn't make any sense."

"It does, you're just not looking beyond the mechanics," Dr. Banner said, newspaper rustling as he folded it in the middle and set it aside. He reached up to remove his glasses, setting them on the table as well to look across at the billionaire. "You're his _creator_, Tony. He looks up to you. Wants to please you and make you proud. Certainly you know what that's like?"

The words struck Tony in a way he hadn't been prepared for. He frowned at the floor, his father's words from the old film reel echoing in his head. _'What is, and always will be, my greatest creation, is you.'_ He felt his heart flutter achingly in his chest. "Yeah, it can be hard to live up to expectations…" he murmured knowingly.

Bruce leaned back in his seat, the chair squeaking somewhat from the shift in weight distribution. "You stumble, fall, but pick yourself back up and try again. Really, that's all you _can_ do."

Tony stared at the other man across the table, beginning to wonder if they were really still talking about DUM-E's failings. He slid his chair out and stood up. "I should get down to the lab and start working," he said.

"Not going to have breakfast?" the physicist asked, seeming surprised.

"Gonna skip it," he shrugged carelessly, already on his way out of the kitchen.

"Alright. I'll see you down there in a few. Just remember to eat eventually!" Banner called after him.

"Yeah, yeah, I will," Tony waved his hand. He got in the elevator and hit the button for the floor of his laboratory, allowing himself to slouch against the back wall only once the doors slid shut in front of him. It was startling to him just how empathetic Bruce could be, not only towards him, but a robot as well. Tony guessed it must be a product of his incredible powers of introspection- nothing much ever seemed to phase the guy. And, he'd made a very valid point.

The lift dinged upon arrival and Tony stepped out. Immediately he began scouring the lab for his robot. "DUM-E? Hey, DUM-E, you here?" he called. He heard a meek beep from over on the west side of the laboratory. "Hey, could you come over here? I just want to talk."

The unit rolled out from behind a large spectrometer, arm lowered timidly. Slowly it came over, issuing a small _bip-boop_.

"Hey," Tony started, "I'm sorry I'm so rough on you all the time." He set his hand down the second extention joint, hoping it was a decent approximation of its shoulder. "You're… you're actually a great help around the lab. And I mean that." DUM-E's claws shifted uncertainly. "I mean, yeah, sometimes you maybe screw up but… you always try again, and I… appreciate that."

The robot whistled, arm raising. Tony grinned. "You know I have some modifications to make to the lateral thruster's of the Mach 8 that would be a whole lot easier with three hands, did you maybe wanna help me out?" he offered.

DUM-E's prongs spun in a rapid 360° circle, giving an excited whir. "Well c'mon then," the engineer laughed, motioning the unit to follow him. "Just be careful not to burn my hand with the soldering iron this time, okay?" he joked. The robot merely buzzed in sassy comeback.


End file.
